Dear Mason,
In the event of my untimely death tonight, I would like you to know that if you have a crush on someone (i.e ME) it is not appropriate to stare while the object of your affection is working out in gym class, especially if you're not even trying to hide it. Yes, that is correct, I can most definitely see you staring at me and my chest while I attempt to ignore you. Side note: I expect for you to be able to keep your eyes on mine and not my breasts when we have a five-second conversation. It's a life skill.
In response to your question "Do you wanna fight?" that you never fail to ask Every. Single. Day. The answer that I hope will finally stick in your head, NO. I don't want to fight you, I don't want you to mess with my work-out routine, and I am positive that I do not want you to pull a Ron Burgandy: sit five feet from me doing bicep curls and staring at me waiting for me to notice. I'm not quite sure what signals you think I'm sending out to you, but your partner is right in that the way to get me to talk to you is definitely NOT by stealing my stuff!
Since these are my final words to you, I would like to point out that you are not completely all bad. While the short conversations we had mostly consisted of you talking about your swimming, I must admit that you're persistent and can hold a conversation. So, as a tip, the next time you are infatuated with a young woman, maybe think about toning it down.
Love,
Your (Not-So) Friend
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